mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
