My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
