I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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