I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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