So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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