YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
