Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
