OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
