She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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