They should really pass out barf bags in church
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
