I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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