Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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