I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
