Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
