you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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