Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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