That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
