i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
