Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
