He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
