The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize