Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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