Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize