before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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