Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
