So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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