Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize