Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i wish my penis had a tongue
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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