so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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