Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
