dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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