8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
