Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
