I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
