It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
