i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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