Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
