Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
