I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
