is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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