im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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