remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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