You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
