I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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