I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
