Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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