As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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