So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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