Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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