Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
