put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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