it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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