sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
