We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So many bounce houses so little time
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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