Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
And then he peed in my hair
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