they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
my shit smells like andre
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
