no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
