Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
