Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize