I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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