i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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