It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
