if i can run in heels then i can drive
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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