Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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