She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
